If you are a mom it means sometimes you feel bad about throwing away sticks. She asked if it's a name for goats. 5 paused the movie she was watching, handed me the remote and said while Im playing, you can watch something in case you were wondering whos in charge around here. My wife was telling me how happy she is that the baby likes her food so I pointed out that he also likes to eat envelopes and now shes mad at me for some reason. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! "Kids should come with a 'skip intro' button for their stories". It's time to play "Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?". 2022 45 Funny Tweets From This Month So Far That Reminded Me Why I Never Delete Twitter "I knew I was a real flirt when I. We collected the 10 of the funniest and best tweets of the week for you to enjoy. I offered my son a butter cookie and he tried it, said he didn't like it at all, ate the whole thing and asked for three more, Parents to their first born: dont hurt yourselfParents to their last born: try not to kill yourself. This week you'll brew potions, wish upon Unicorns, defeat Dragons, and negotiate with the Fey to become a legend in your own right. Jan 13, 2023, 03:53 PM EST. 6: why does J have two mommies?Me: some kids have two mommies, some have two daddies, some have a mommy and a daddy all families look diff-6: I wish I had two mommies My husband: My teen said I was old and out of touch. Thoughts and prayers at this difficult time. Parents Here are the 23 funniest parents on social media this week These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) - Memebase - Funny Memes The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) One of the most prominent stereotypes about parents is that once someone has kids, something shifts in their brain that makes them feel like the most esoteric bearer of ancient, once unknown knowledge. My 5-year-old out of nowhere, "so I didn't get that promotion." Her comedic timing was perfect. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. What I say: Be ready, we are leaving in five minutes.What the child hears: Get undressed. My 5-year-old sat me down to tell me my fortune. I hope all parents reading this have had a great 2023 so far. Babies sometimes just happen to people, and that's that. Someday, God willing, I will attend my childrens weddings, refuse to eat what they serve and demand butter noodles and nuggets. , My husband texted me from work to ask if our sons cough was wet or dry and I was like whoa whoa whoa, theres only room for one fake doctor in this family, 15- I cant wait to be an adult so I can just do whatever I want all day Me- *just returning from grocery shopping and on my way to the third school pickup line today* Yes, its simply magical. Good news: It seems like 3yos favorite song is no longer Cotton Eyed Joe.Bad news: Now its the Ghostbusters theme song. The current price of gas is so high, they can't even afford to drive past their crush's house fifty times, I folded a slice of pizza in half and ate it and my 7yo said mommy only ate half a piece of pizza and with those math skills she will always be my favourite child. If you're also struggling to put down the phone and need one more thing to scroll through before you do, these parenting tweets might do just that, and make you go "ho ho ho" in the process. Not today, tho. Our drop-off time is 8:24. Funny tweets that. Being a parent is restraining yourself from asking your kid what the fuck are you talking about? I wanna go here so bad, cheerleading for the sad, Andrew Garfield's a . 8yo: daddy whats your best talent?me: hmm I dont know, maybe being a dad?8yo: no thats not it. Dads, on vacation: I wonder how much rain we got at home. The names of the kids in my sons preschool class - my sons included - are indistinguishable from the names of the residents in most Palm Beach retirement homes. Took kids swimming and there were loads of people there. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. My daughter bought a toy and my son bought.a rotisserie chicken. This included the white fairy dust (baking soda). Wishing you all a good weekend! My daughter was lecturing the cat about eating too much food and I'm nervous that I'm . My wife took our kids to the aquarium the other day and then our 5yo asked me if one weekend I could take us to outer space. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. *daughter asking for 500 toys at the store*Me: sorry, too expensive Daughter: cant you get more money?? Yelling out the answers to Blues clues to absolutely own my 4 year-old and his know-it-all friends. ", You know youre getting old when your kids start referring to every old person they know as about your age. He put a bag over his head and didn't speak the rest of the ride home. Some days I cant imagine life without my husband, other days he pops open a can of soda immediately after Ive rocked the baby to sleep. My kids had money to spend at the store. Here they are: 1. I laughed so hard the other day I ended up having to change my pants. I told her no. Me: You mean red light, green light. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 22, 2022) It's that time of the yearthe kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild. My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older. I'd be happy with 10 pounds! By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. The new year was a new flood of email. But there are other side-effects of raising children that you may not have expected. Lets see how this plays out. Have you ever been shopping without your kid and someone's child in the store starts whining to their mother and you breathe a sigh of relief because that could have been you? Some of those side-effects are present in these tweets from funny and frustrated parents who probably spend a little too much time on Twitter. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Part of HuffPost Parenting. The happy-go-lucky advert with its upbeat music is alluring. Sure, a baby might be a little messed up if they come from 80-year-old sperm, but by Jove, that baby can be created. You haven't seen Encanto? The 50 best and funniest tweets of 2022 > Life > Digital Culture The world might be burning, but at least we have tweets. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. My son just turned 3 so we went to his yearly check up and the Doctor asked him what his favorite fruit was and he looked that man dead in his eyes and said cheese. Because of this, it can be pretty challenging to. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! She said, "one day, maybe you'll be the best mom in the universe." 107d ago today / Parents Here are the 24 funniest parents on. Students arriving at 8:26 will be late. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Friends and guests of Finding Favorites are back to tell us about their favorite things from 2022. 3. A KAZOO. Me: Its such a great feeling to be so loved by my family. Him: you know too much of my personal business. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on . Expectant Parent: What's it like being a parent?Me: Have you ever wrestled an alligator covered in vaseline? 10: I just read that you have fingertips but not toe tips yet you can tiptoe but not tip finger. Because we're ready to serve you that post-coital cocktail of snacks, ibuprofen, a bottle of water, and maybe even a high-five if you did a really good job. The Charmin' Carmen (@Charmin_Carmen) January 11, 2023. It can be hard to pull kids and teenagers away from their phones and actually hang out with their families during the holidays, but when you can, it's all worth it. Feb 4, 2022, 12:47 PM EST. My 2yo made it through a 2 hour drive, a 2 hour wait at the airport where he read a book quietly to himself, an hour flight where he happily watched Finding Nemo on silent, a bus ride where he laughed the whole time, and then screamed the entire 15 min drive home in our own car. You never thought you'd want to fight a 5yo, but here we are. 8: We only go. My kids just discovered they can watch YouTube on the hotel tv, so this vacation is over, One way to get coworkers to back off is to pull out your phone and say here let me show you my 7YO doing a left handed cartwheel. Then in an awestruck voice he said, "I have a skeleton.". Once they finally locate and open it, its just going to be filled with everything they made me out of sticks and cardboard in elementary school. At only 17 he has already achieved the dental joke dream Ive been striving to reach for 46 years. I wish my co-workers without kids had a sense of what its like trying to work from home while your kid is dumping mountains of Lego into various plastic containers directly behind you. My parenting style right now is like gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, IM CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!! My 5yo asked for hot sauce on his dinner. (Cue applause.) 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. Have you been living under a rock? The idea of them, especially when advertised on TV, is great: I'm into the promise of less sulking, more action, and a relatively positive attitude. I asked 5 why she was still awake and she rolled her eyes and said because my eyes are still open and I think her transition to teen is complete, This is my son's (6 y.o.) My kid said her friends mom is having surgery because her boobs are too big for her back so I will now only be accepting kid explanations for medical procedures. My wife and I are going to be super bummed if we dont get a good grade on our daughters science fair project. What kind of inspirational bullshit has he been listening to? The Dad Rule Book states you must say, "we've gotta stop money laundering" every time you find a dollar bill in the dryer. Week after week, the spouses of Twitter deliver some of the most hilarious and relatable quips about the ups and downs of married life. My mom, looking at the baby: oh my gosh! Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! 15-12-2021 2 2. My son would not stop talking on the way home last night. The idea of them, especially when advertised on TV, is great: I'm into the promise of less sulking, more action, and a relatively positive attitude. Thats weird, I thought. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. I have little qualification to speak on this . Published Jan 13, 2023. My 7yo: Daddy could you move over youre sitting in my imaginary dogs spot. Ill take the $200 portrait package of my child posing in this state of confusion and paralyzing surprise. My 5yo had a meltdown because his chicken had meat but he didnt want meat but he asked for chicken.And upon further investigation, he wanted bbq chicken not rotisserie. I took the kids out for the day so my husband could relax and apparently my husbands interpretation of relaxing is relaxing and not doing 16 loads of laundry. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. Wishing you all a good weekend! Parenting best parenting tweets The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Aug. 6-12) "Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins." By Caroline Bologna Aug 12, 2022, 01:13 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. "- my son, on a theologian's quest. State of the Word 2021 just concluded in NYC. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Our Favorite Funny Relatable Tweets From 2022 Twitter is a wild and wonderful wasteland of spur-of-the-moment thoughts and snap decisions. The fact that my 8 year old farted in my face RIGHT after I told him that Id had a terrible day has me thinking that all those fairytales about parents leaving their kids in the woods may have actually been true stories. perspective on my job pic.twitter.com/h1CpIFJo3m. This time of year can be highly stressful, and there are very few things that can calm down kids who are so excited about Santa Claus. Im just finding this out. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Lots of straight onesMe: pic.twitter.com/p919au4ztR, Making it rain but youre a parent: pic.twitter.com/mKPrrU3eCL, My 4-year-old son gave me a handmade card for Father's Day. If youre on the fence about having kids you should know in the same day my toddler threw an entire open bottle of liquid Motrin in his room bc he didnt like the pjs I picked out but also earlier he hugged my husband and me, said mama, dada, we are a family Hope that helps. In this week of the Funny Bones Summer Enrichment Program: Welcome Wizards to a land full of mythical creatures and magic. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. 5yo: mommy can you make me a bald egg? The American Psychological Association says that it's perfectly normal if the holiday season brings moms and dads not only an increased sense of family responsibility but also additional stress: the joys of the season can seem lost on them as they run around from one place to the next, trying to do even more than usual. Parents m 4. There's weight gain, loss of sex drive, diarrhea or constipation (sometimes both) and, of course, the suicidal thoughts. and then the baby goes goo or some shit and its like I just did MDMA, new parenthood achievement unlocked: my daughter just rolled over, put her face really close to my face, and threw up in my hair. So no, you do not want me for your planning committee. By Vish Khanna. When do we learn how to breathe underwater? My kid, overestimating his swimming lessons. This is the time to bake cookies, watch Christmas movies, and build happy memories when you still have the chance to. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. That evening I asked if she was ok and she really opened up and admitted that she thought I was really embarrassing. Your supply lists include everything you've already bought but in a different color. I wrote on my kid's school tardy excuse. Same. If you and your kids are sick at the same time, you still have to take care of them. My 5yo son: mommy, Im Ashley. Myths and Magic week will run from July 17th-21st 2023. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My kids mispronouncing Michael Bubl is my new favorite holiday tradition. ya, school photographer. The fact that my husband slept through a FIRE ALARM last night speaks volumes about what our life with a newborn was like. "Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins. By Georgia Nicols Wednesday . Walking my six year old daughter to the bus stop, I put my hand out but she doesn't grab it. Tweet. This episode is an entire recording of the livestream broadcast over YouTube including audience + listener questions. I hope my friends dont find out I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers. told someone i was 36 today. my 9 and 7 yo each had a friend sleep over this weekend. Lose at least one shoe. I ask her if we beefin and she looks me in the eye and tells me she thinks that she's getting a little . The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets! Oct 14, 2022, 10:09 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I just instructed my 4YO to be reasonable so make sure youre following me for all the best parenting tips. You now tell the people behind you in mini golf to play through.. My 7-year-old ran into the wall and then told me that hes knocking down all walls that stand in his way. #1 You won't. Start packing. I dont usually get to. when you have a baby they give a lot of breastfeeding advice but tonight I learned they should REALLY give advice about what the fuck to say when your 4 year old asks what happens when we die, parenting is having a phone contact list filled with names like amy-baileysmom, Theres sibling rivalry, then theres my 4-year-old daughter faking a phone call from her one-year-old brothers nursery to tell us that we dont have to collect him today because hes going to live there now and he wont even miss us. Tie-dye. A. Do you take Discover? What I say: Stay out of trouble for 10 minutes while I shower.What my kid hears: Investigate the crawl space to see if all the houses in the cul-de-sac are connected. Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Yep,. Part of HuffPost Parenting. When you have a baby, it's all about the baby and not about you. 6yo: I love you Me: I love you too!6yo: I wasnt talking to you I was talking to my donut. You can just strap the baby in and GO hiking! "It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both? My kids bathroom looks like their toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher. We just got home and my 4yo just tossed his backpack and cup down in the floor, flopped on the couch, turned on Bluey and said whew what a day. Same, little buddy. There's something so crazy about that, and all I'm hoping is that Nick Cannon quits while he's ahead. Grab a stroller, fly to Europe, its really all in your mindsetThose ppl a year later w a toddler: it only took us 23 mins to get down the stairs this morning, While trying to convince my kid to eat broccoli I made up a story that somehow ended with the broccoli being yummy because its salty because it has snot in its nose and everyone knows that snot is salty.what Im saying is that parenting is not for the weak of stomach. Look dad, that star is glitching.We used to call that twinkling but ok. My 5 yo lost her first tooth and wanted to bring her tooth fairy swag to school to flex on her friends. Here are this week's dad jokes, mom puns, funny tweets, memes, and plain old rants from other parents. He calls rotisserie meat chicken. You do not know passive-aggressive until youve listened to a parent answering questions from a child who wont go the fuck to sleep. My 5yo asked me if Susanna is a country. . My 9 year old has wanted to bake a cake for weeks and today after I finished work we finally did it. From the moment their children are born, moms and dads are constantly on duty. !, gentle parenting, gentle parenting. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) 4 days ago Like Comments | 1 If you don't have a list on. Points for creativity to my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at 3pm. Wishing you all a good weekend! Caroline Bologna Nov 11, 2022, 09:00 AM EST | Updated Nov 11, 2022 Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Image via @softbalIs on Twitter. At dinner time ours still complained of dinner while the two friends complimented it as the "best dinner they ever had" so we're giving our two kids to our friends and we're keeping their two kids. A rock where there are no children? because it's not 13, 9 and 7. To be a parent or to not be a parent. Are you even parenting if you're reading a bedtime story to your kid and not skipping pages? 97% of parenting is just saying "oh wow" to your kid when they do something totally not wow. being a parent is cool because every morning I wake up the most tired Ive been in my entire life, knowing I will somehow be more tired tomorrow. Took our 3 kids to a space museum today. Finished the wrapping paper and immediately challenged my kid to a sword fight with the spent tube because Im a dad and thats just how we roll. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. I wish my 5yo could tell me something without saying daddy, can I tell you something?. I always wished I had dimplesMy kid: but you do have dimples! Well, for now. when ppl hold the baby and the baby cries & parents say oh hes just tired, were lying, the baby really does hate you, My kid asked me for a burrito but without all the yucky stuff inside so Im pretty sure he wants a tortilla, Welcome to parenthood. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! Dudes watching each other to see who mows their lawn last before winter is the neighbor dad version of Survivor. Why should you date older single moms? But for those with the privilege of family planning, it's all about the timing. Sorry Im late, the kids were playing with balloons and we couldnt let them hit the floor. Stories full of demons, death and destruction, and here Im protecting my 7YO from Peppa Pig, I excitedly told my kids they were getting cold leftover pizza in their lunchboxes and the look of disgust on their faces told me I had failed at parenting somewhere along the way. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. I honestly hate how true this proved to be. Daddy, that chickens ghost is gonna haunt you for eating it, and other terrifying shit my 4yo casually says to me. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Maybe for Christmas I'll draw him a picture of some toys, I wish the parenting books taught you what to do when your toddler grabs your wifes nose and screams WEINER NOSE, WEINER NOSE!. him: the hard egg with no skin and hair. I googled juvenile psychopathy, my husband interrogated our kid. Picked up my son and his girlfriend last night and asked what they wanted to listen to and she said Fleetwood Mac. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Part of HuffPost Parenting. I be positive parenting but children dont be positively childrening. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. 50 Funniest Parenting Memes + Tweets This Week by Chris Illuminati April 8, 2022 Comments 0 Welcome to another installment of " parents about to lose their shit" better known as the funniest parenting memes & tweets of the week. You gotta start a new life someplace else. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 21, 2022) Time flies when you're having "fun." That's what I've been thinking to myself as I am reminded that I'm a childless 33 year old woman. Welcome back! Expectant Parent:Me: Don't worry, you'll learn. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. "but who wiped God's butt? Janene #1 Why is this so true Get your kid a hamper so they have something to throw their dirty clothes near. Nothing says This parenting gig is easy! like using my sons last juice box as a mixer. Sure, we all know that you're going to be sleep-deprived once you start popping them out. My 4-year-old says the wrong name for many things. Im writing a fantasy fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests. Janene. Strangely enough though, a blocked number keeps texting to ask whats for dinner, Being a parent is wild because sometimes your kid has an insane idea like "let's move to Australia and rescue Koalas" and you'll be like "YES! The PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage. "Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice". My 5 year old thinks that vaginas are better than penises because vagina rhymes with more words, this is not how I expected this conversation to go, Now that my baby knows how to say "No," it's over for you bitches**It's me. Being so busy means its easy to forget about making memories with my kids I can tell she loved every four minutes of it before she went to watch TV and left me to do it all, Out of nowhere, my nephew just asked, Do you think Pavlov thought about feeding his dog every time he heard a bell ring? and now Im going to be haunted by this question. [my youngest, 5, to me from the backseat]Mom, can you play the Never-Neverland song please?*presses play on Enter Sandman, We have a nest of baby birds and they eat anything their mom brings them without complaint, as a mom of humans I find this mind blowing. My mom told me I needed to learn how to relax more so I dropped my kids at her house. My kids won't stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we're watching Poltergeist. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! 5 min read. '". ". Find out what flavor of ice cream your kids hate and learn to love it. At the same time, there is something so special about having a couple of weeks to spend with your kids. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. I'm teaching my kids to read because it's quality time spent together. Ppl w babies: I dont see why people stop traveling when they have kids! It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. Why won't you let me live my life" years old. My son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow. 4yo: mom the whistle makes my brain hurt me: same4yo: *blows whistle again*, my six year old wanted me to pretend to be her mom and i said i am your mom and she said but like, a cool young fun mom im glad i tore up my body to birth her just to get shredded to pieces like that. Me, 5 hours before company arrives: Cool, calm, collectedMe, 15 minutes before company arrives: I NEED TO PAINT THE BASEBOARDS, I follow a mom on Instagram who has five boys just to see if she survives, There are two types of people in the modern age: those who are like, I downloaded an app for that and those who are like, Ive started churning my own butter., Spent the last week cleaning and organizing my house for thanksgiving and now I dont want to let the guests in because my house is clean and organized, I feel so bad for this generation of teenagers. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 3, 2022) 11/3/2022 Like 1 Comment | 11 Being a parent during the days following Halloween is an insane exercise in self-control. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! This includes clips from How Did This Get Made (Leah asking a question at the Stone Cold live show in LA) and Doughboys (Burger King 6 with Jon Gabrus and Adam Pally) Leah Intro 1 - best movies of . Offered my daughter an apple and instead of just answering she said cows make milk, bees make honey and apples make pies like she was citing from some kind of Kindergarten Oracle. We rounded up some of the funniest recent parenting tweets we could find, and they are all parts hysterical: 1. I can't stop laughing. This is your life now. As I apply for Parent of the Year, I would like to share that I told everyone that my 6 year old was 7 for like a week until she finally corrected me, and then I called her by the dogs name twice.I would like my prize in small bills pls. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Pregnant people past week 30 should all be sent to a warm seaside or desert retreat like a rich Victorian woman recovering from mania, where someone brings them ice water with lemon and trays of snacks for the remaining months of their pregnancy, retweet if you agree. 4 min read. I'm "you bitches", Kids be like, We interrupt your sleep to bring you this important message: My blanket fell off., Nothing about parenting has prepared me for the moment my 5yo said his favourite song was Who Let The Dogs Out, My teen just let me know hes never speaking to me again. But most of all I'm teaching my kids to read so they won't ask "What does XJ49PB2 spell?" She thought station wagons were hearses. before becoming a parent i didn't know i could ruin someone's life by providing them with food, water, juice, clothes, entertainment and shelter for free. Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. Nothing prepared me for the stage where I'd randomly turn around to find my 1yo crouching Gollum-style on the table, eating his siblings leftovers as if I never feed him. The WP Minute - WordPress news. I better not shout, I better not cry, I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time. Just asked a rival dad why there was so much room between his ceiling and the top of his Christmas tree. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Is 14 too early to plan the wedding? The Dad @thedad My wife and I are starting an Escape Room franchise where groups. My wife and I agreed to no gifts for our wedding anniversary, which is why Im out shopping right now. by Ajani Bazile. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 10-16) "'I better not shout, I better not cry,' I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time." By Caroline Bologna Dec 16, 2022, 02:44 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Kelsey Borresen 12/28/2022. It's that time of the yearthe kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. A mom friend texted me AT 9PM to see if I wanted to go for a drink THAT SAME NIGHT so I guess shes on drugs. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. I told her it's a name. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (July 16-22) | HuffPost Life The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (July 16-22) "Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice" By Caroline Bologna Jul 22, 2022, 01:58 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. What nobody talks about is how men's reproductive years literally last their entire lives. Mrs . Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Had I upset her? The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 21, 2022) A wise woman once told me, "Darling, if you have a baby, then you can't be the baby ." Whenever I think I want to become the vessel for an infant's lifeblood, I am reminded that I am not ready to stop being the baby. Sorry but you're not as important as their AirPods. "My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older". So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Me: You dont want to be called Canaan anymore? This is a clip show with SO many great recomendations, most of which are in the show notes below. Follow me for more parenting tips. I'm so proud. I told him to eat my shorts cause that's hella whack home skillet. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. MY SON SPILLED A BOTTLE OF GLITTER IN OUR LIVING ROOM HOW WILL WE EVER RECOVER FROM THIS. As 2022 is coming to a close, we . To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. I tell all 3 of my kids that they are the password child. Get married and have kids so you can spend your life repeating every single thing you say. Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice. Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 8, 2022. Parenting is similar. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. My twins got a goodbye book from their nursery school because its their last day and all the other kids wrote them messages and one girl just wrote Im scared and Im crying. Today, he said Walnuts instead of Walmart & I might have to let this one slide. Welcome to parenthood. She already knows way too much about the apocalypse. #1 This will be funnier in 6 years after I'm through parenting teens LOL I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older and she laughed so hard she cried a little Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 17, 2022 #2 Hahaha My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters. Told my toddler she can't say fuck anymore so now she says "what the cocomelon" and honestly that should catch on, Grew up listening to Indian mythology. Dimples are just the cutest thing! Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My 8yo in a white shirt with a pomegranate and voil! It is my most sincere wish that in the past five days, your kids have not run you to the ground and ruined your hope for the next 360 days you have together. Those are my toddler's emotional support kitchen utensils. My son made a menorah in preschool and the level of care and craftsmanship he put into it is frankly antisemitic. I'm teaching my kids to read to help them succeed in school. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Took my 9yo to school. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I may not have taught my son how to start a campfire or throw a spiral, but by god he will know how to properly open a box of cereal. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Here are some of the best quips Ive come across this week. pic.twitter.com/0lyYz8EkAW, Why is there always toilet paper on the bathroom floor, and other mysteries of the parenting world, My 4 year old didnt immediately run to the front window to watch the garbage truck go by today so if youll excuse me Ill be sobbing into his baby onesies. my son just referred to a house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and im officially calling them that now. Sign up to follow me here! Emptying my pockets before laundry: some tissues, a receipt, huh, thought my lip balm was in there. BuzzFeed Staff . The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 21, 2022) cheezburger.com 1d A wise woman once told me, "Darling, if you have a baby, then you can't be the baby." Whenever. I have a teenager, a preteen, and a kindergartner. Start finger painting. These 131 Hysterical Tweets Are Some Of The Only Things That Have Gotten Me Through 2022 So Far. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) January 9, 2023. So, I sent my kid into preschool with a little bag of white powder for show and tell. Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. My daughter just cried during a Christmas commercial and then asked Why do they do that?Welcome to commercialism, kiddo. October 14 someone i taught how. My 7 yo just asked ME when was his birthdate. You will thank me for this later youre welcome. my lip balm twisted all the way with no cap, rocks. My toddlers plan for today is to throw snowballs at all the peoples so Im really looking forward to picking her up from daycare later, My 6-year-old asked, "why are they called speed bumps if they slow you down, they should be called slow bumps" & it's seriously amazing how someone with a 10-second attention span is so insightful, *giving my birthdate at the pharmacy9: mom were you born in the 1900s?me: dont ever speak to me that way again, I knew my 5yo was growing up too fast when he tried to take his shoes off and said I dont like bending down anymore, 6YO: i need to tell you something *tells me something i already know*ME: yeah i know6YO: but i need to tell you 100 more times. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. #17 Wouldn't that be nice? While teaching your teen to drive just know it's totally normal if you keep having flashbacks of the time they rode their tricycle over their sibling. Here in New York City, my friends have taken longer than most to go on the long and exhausting journey of procreation. Parenting tip: For a teething infant, call grandma and tell her to pick up the kid. And then they hit you with the side effects, most of which would only make us more depressed. Janene #1 LOL that is every parent of a little kid right now "'I better not shout, I better not cry, I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time. Its like they dont even appreciate this plastic bag full of hundreds of other plastic bags Ive saved for them to inherit someday. Follow me for more eye-opening parenting tips. Helping in the kitchen this morning. what ages does the sticky crusty food particles all over the fridge door handles stop? Him: Im still Canaan mommy but I need lotion. Tell me if you've heard this one: "I'm going to have kids early so I can enjoy my 40s and 50s." Or what about this one: "I'm going to wait until I'm 30 to have a kid so I can enjoy my twenties." These lines of reasoning are predicated on the notion that having kids is not enjoyable and is something you want to be relieved of eventually or postpone. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. My kid just tried to win an argument with "Because I said so" and I had to break it to him that only parents get to win by saying that. Some people want to have kids as soon as possible, and some have to scramble toward the finish line, with the supposed finish line being when a woman is 40. This is fine. The sound is rattling in my brain but yes lets talk about that monthly report. When my daughter was 7 years-old she once interrupted a bedtime story to tell me, In a pie-eating contest, it doesnt matter if you win or lose because you get to eat pie. I think about that a lot. Sorry I didnt make mashed potatoes. No word, no hug, not even a wave. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Although it cost a lot, it was worth it to see their faces be amazed at the infinite wonders of the child play area at the back, A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying I can do it myself over and over. It was a station wagon. In my will Im leaving my kids an elaborate treasure map to a buried fortune. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. We were eating dinner and it was really quiet because we were enjoying our food. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Believe it or not, we're at the end of 2022. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 12, 2022) It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. U.S. 4 says all these cars are in line for gas. Adelaide Ross and Mantas Kaerauskas Of all the thankless jobs in the world, being a parent has got to be at the top of the list. Now when my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo comforts him by telling him, its okay, mommy does it too.. Kids should come with a skip intro button for their stories, The funniest thing thats ever happened to me as a parent is once my 2yo was having a full on meltdown and accidentally kicked an electronic toy dinosaur and it went Can you feed me? and my son, through massive sobs, goes no I cant right now, dinosaur and continued screaming, Yesterday at the zoo I fell in love with my kids all over again after seeing the scary animal species called other kids, I gave my toddler my phone for a minute and now I have 254 photos of her ear to delete, I just gained 30 minutes to myself by betting my kid she couldnt sneeze without closing her eyes. My child who jokes nonstop about the planet Uranus has recently learned about the country of Djibouti." By. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. The 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents this Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! My daughter is "OMG! Is this what good parenting feels like?? My 2yo got a kazoo in his goodie bag from a friends birthday. 75 of the Funniest Tweets on the Internet Kelly Kuehn Updated: Jan. 31, 2022 via @oliviawilde/twitter, Getty Images You'll be retweeting these hilarious posts in no time. "Told a guy I had body dysmorphia and he said, 'I love sci-fi.'". Thank you. So I guess were business associates now. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. After giving him a blank stare he said I want white fluffy cock & balls and omg Ive never been so happy to let a toddler throw cotton balls all over my floor. My 5 year old squeezed my hand and said Daddy, I dont do busy and Ive never related to him more, Ive never met a better negotiator than a kid who doesnt want to go to sleep.

Asok Kumar Hiranandani Wife, Sharon Bush Mclean, Tameside Magistrates Court Listings Today, Stan Hatcher Nypd Blue, Current Nfl Players From Jacksonville Florida, Mike Ness House Santa Ana Address, City Prepping Solar Generator Spreadsheet, Why Did Emma Caulfield Leave 90210,