I loved her at first but quickly I realized she wasnt everything I had thought. They are a bunch of nasty men and they have created the wedge with their ridiculous behaviour. The moment they started with their shit you should have put a stop to it. Risking death because your family is shit just isnt worth it in the long run. Recently, he TOLD ME he was taking my car to see his bio son. Was thinking the same. Congratulations on graduating, OP. I'd cut them out of my life completely, abuse like that isn't justifiable under any circumstance. I told him I need to know if he is coming to walk me down the aisle and have our dance and he said he doesnt know and we will see. After texting thier wives for the address haha. They are all stupid creeps. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! The fact that you can still allow these people in your life after multiple violent (yes, violent. I'm surprised he wanted to go on a 3 day trip with them after everything else they've done to him. Your fiance could press charges! And if someone almost killed my husband over a ill-planned prank they definitely wouldn't be invited into our lives anymore either. And why you let things go so far? This. I'd like to see uncle and the other assholes breathe through a straw for a few hours, whith their nose properly plugged. Of course youre NTA. He needs that to live! ETA: The contact would have ceased after the slashed tires for me. If they see that as a joke then their heads arent screwed on correctly. So, yeah - man up and die for real. My only question was why havent you died on it sooner? Hiding inhaler is not a joke and slashing his car tires, i assume they paid money to get things right? isn't it also, depending on how bad his asthma is, some form of ableism? Got to admit that if I were Tim, Id run. I hadnt seen a doctor in a decade due to lack of health care and this guy straight up told me he hasnt either even after a heart attack. I myself have an in law I do not like but noone would ever know it because I respect and love my brother. I cant imagine how they will treat your kids. NTA. But I had an attack, not that long ago, that landed me in the hospital overnight. im sure OP has tried to shut it down before. Cut them all off till they learn their lesson. To cut a long story short, I realised quite quickly in my older teen years (17) that my dad manipulated and gaslit me throughout my childhood and my mother was never the villain. AmItheAsshole Original. "Like real men. They are being toxic AH, stealing necessary medication is not a prank. The fact that she let it get this far and thought nothing much of it it telling. I'm not sure I had the same wherewithal at that age. They divorced five months after getting married when she found him cheating. Frogs in beds is the kind of thing you do as a KID at CAMP. What theyre doing arent pranks your fianc doesnt have to prove ANYTHING to your family. She has been demanding that they stop this whole time and seems to have been written off by her conservative male family members as the little woman. Yta for letting them do this to him for so long, but absolutely not NTA for uninviting them. There's being funny, there's being annoying, there's bullying and there's torture. My siblings have disowned me and speak badly about me and the situation. Please dont cave, your fianc deserves to have that bullshit stay far away from him. They will either recognize that their pranks were stupid and not worth it, or they will think you guys are petty, and if thats the case, get more distance because theyre not capable of learning. What if hed had an asthma attack and died, thats murder not a prank. If your cousin does want to talk, then I'd set out some serious ground rules first, but let him talk, after all if he is genuinely sorry and willing to admit he was a dick as well as apologise to your fiance then, he deserves a second chance. Knowing all of this, I have no idea why he would've gone on a 3 day trip with your family WITHOUT you unless he felt like he had to. When are they going to stop bullying and tormenting? My friends and I, all Afab and babyfaced enough to look like we were 18-25 once got asked what was holding up the car in a concerned tone while we were trying to change a tire. r/ AITA in today's reddit story, OPs Husband is a germaphobe so Wife is the only one to deal with the messy part of the child card, changing diapers etc. NTA. Those arent pranks, they are life threatening and criminal. Hiding an inhaler when away from home could be fatal. NTA. NTA. what if he needed his inhaler? not everyone uses them. Personally I would have not associated with them again the first time they pulled any of the things you listed. Also wtf will they put any potential Male children you might have through as well, under the pretence of helping then man up? I advise you to go NC with your family. Yeah, shes a damn hero /s. totally agree. Id have slashed every fucking one of their tires. NTA. Tomorrow it will be your son. Slashing his tires? Your former lack of imposing boundaries is concerning and has led to this life threatening situation. Who wants to be treated like that for the rest of their life? They have absolutely no right to keep that information from their patients, but it happens. Time to cut those toxic people out of your lives. I said she could come and so could my brothers but I'm standing firm that my stepdad has to stay away. The man loves you but hes at risk of death and financial hardship being associated with you as long as your family is involved. And your mom isnt any better for enabling them. Mom cheated on stepdad a year ago and he left us. Why on Earth was Tim going with them on these lads trips if that's how they were treating him? Support your fianc and ditch your shitty family. Your family members' actions (all of them, not just the inhaler stuff) are idiotic, unwarranted, and demeaning. Some people say they just don't want to scare you and fear you'll refuse the treatment (or they just don't want you to ask questions they'd have to answer). See you after the wedding, assholes. ), questioned him like it was a game of 20Q insulted his intellect, and claimed that his asthma was an excuse so they hid something he could die without. Not only uninvite them, you should cut contact completely. I agree. You know what that shit is? There's plenty of air, he should just breathe. Yeah, OP said she demanded they stop in response to the earlier incidents too. If its not too late/theres texted proof, it seems like a good time to call the police and also to file a small claims suit. I feel bad for your whole situation. Lived well past those issues. Hiding medical devices? I was thinking "surely there must be a law against hidng someone's medication, that could be so fucking dangerous. I'd be pissed if one of my in-laws slashed them as a "prank". Yup. NTA. Exactly that. NTA. This would, in your shoes, absolutely be my hill to die on. Now I'm not saying violence is the answer, but I wonder how they'd react if Tim resorted to violence. NTA. Show your mom this thread so she can see that most normal people do not think it was okay AT ALL. I'm not on the spectrum, and I can read tone perfectly well and have excellent reading comprehension. INFO: how does your fianc feel? Pranks and teasing are one thing. NTA - they sound truly horrible and yeah if I was your fianc I would want them at my wedding either. What a sissy! NTA. If I am being 100% honest with you, if I my in-laws had treated me the way your family have treated your partner, I would not have married him. They werent pranking Tim, they were bullying him. OP's family isn't awful, they are abusive. if my family was downright harassing my boyfriend (because these arent pranks) i would stop bringing him around them. Its not just bullying anymore! I would consider reinviting anyone who actually apologizes to him, without your prompts. But yeah of course the real assholes are her family. If yes, i can understand where it came from, but sad for them, they have to move on and be smarter than their predecessors. Nope, not at all. Gotta love it how a husband will make it your fault for bugging him to simply fucking TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF. My life (in my childish head) was crushed. "Garage" or "Auto Shop" work well too, but can be a bit ambiguous depending on context, as garage also means where you park your car in North America, whether it's at your house or the larger undergroud lots. I thought slashing tyres was a crime? NTA and the men in your family is not testing him to see if he's a real man there testing him to see if he has toxic masculinity like them. Timmy didn't drive the wedge between you and your family. NTA. They are crimes. NTA it's not normal. NTA- people can die from an asthma attack. Mom's an asshole too for joining them instead of condemning this absolutely unacceptable treatment. I'd have dipped a long time ago and if they don't stop, her bf will too before long. Sounds like he's put up with so much already for your sake. I had a fever of 102 by the time he got the boot. These pranks are blatant disrespect for OPs fianc and OP herself. Obviously plenty of couples choose to be childfree or go for adoption, but if OP wants to have biological children with her husband then can she really leave them in the care of her parents knowing that an asthma attack will be treated as "learn to breathe better you whiny brat"? Just elope, video it for mom and dad. The men in your family are among the worst types of people and I feel terrible that your fianc had to endure that much before it was finally stopped. NTA I have a large amount of male cousin I am female they joke but nothing like what you are describing. Being punished isnt going to make them sorry, its going to make them mad. Lets swap his face wash with acid to see if his skin is strong like a real man! They were okay with killing or seriously harming your husband. ". The wedding is just the first step, OP. I have severe asthma, without my inhaler I will die. violence isnt just physical aggression against an individual.) It was adenocarcinoma and it was in his spine. It took until they actually endangered his life for her to tell her idiot relatives to stop torturing the man she allegedly loves? I call it either attempted murder or criminally malicious death. Tell him they're for his wife or next of kin. She wont. Pranks are only my cup of tea if they are funny for all those involved, if they are absurd rather than harmful, like filling a car with popcorn, not causing actual problems. OP has recognized that her family is toxic in comparison to the 'norm', and she's actually putting her foot down and starting to set serious boundaries BEFORE marrying her SO. Timmy will never feel comfortable and will always be on guard for the next shit show. Guarantee hes hoping youre that kind of person, OP. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Then turn it around on us like hes the victim. No amount of masculine hobbies excuses that. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. I scrolled too far to read this. Or not even cut them off, just make sure I am not in the position where they could do that to me again e.g. Bygones my ass! Who know what theyll try to pull there? Dean and Kevin never had a good relationship because they never wanted my mom and dad to separate in the first place, they resented my stepdad and limitied contact once they moved out. I think it's great to forgive assholes if they stop, and family unity is important, but if someone is an asshole and will continue to be an asshole and refuses to stop being an asshole, they definitely should be kept as far away as possible. They at least all need to apologise and show remorse and understanding that they were wrong, along with a promise to stop this bullshit. The only third option is that you stop this dangerous behavior. So, yeah - man up and die for real. Clearly youre not and your family are acting deranged. Pranks are supposed to be fun for both side and I don't think it was the case here nor before. I can play your game, AND pay for damages. Even if I had to eat ramen for 6 months to pay for it. I would've called police on them after the tire incident. Leaving the inhaler is potentially life threatening!!!! This is a hill to die on. You would be TA if you invited your fianc's bullies (aka your family) to your wedding. Seriously. When I got engaged to my boyfriend who is a city kid who makes a living in the arts, they hugged him. If not, then OP is out of family members that shouldn't be near them anyways. This is a serious condition and not something to prank with. I grew up with a very messed up family. At the point where youre an adult you should be able to realise that this isnt how you treat people. If a person disrespects your partner, then they're disrespecting you too. When I was little we were best friends. They're going to drive him away from you and be all oh shucks. Honestly.. ESH except for your fianc because you let them abuse him for so long. NTA - Your family sound like psychopaths. I see other people saying this is not pranks but bullying and im like bruh they hid his inhaler!!! . They sound like the type of people that would try to sneak some peanuts into the food of someone who is deathly allergic to them and cry its just a prank, bro. Your wedding is about your fianc and you, it doesnt matter if your male relatives miss out if they are causing harm to the person the event is suppose to be celebrating. Your family sucks, and Im sorry. If you give in, they'll keep thinking that their bullying is acceptable or funny. Honestly that was pretty rude of her but unless her actions were specifically malicious I don't think she is the asshole NAH. NTA. Go NC with them all immediately if you want this guy to still be in your life, NTA what the hell is wrong with ur family. He was straight up trying to haze her fianc, that's unforgivable. I think this is more of a fuck with me and find out situation. This is definitely your hill to die on. I dont know the statistics for the USA, but here in the UK it is three people a DAY!! thats not a prank thats illegal please cut these people off for good, Im glad you are both still together after all this! Tyre! Luckily, you can and should choose your family. Depending on how bad the asthma is it could be way beyond cruel. If i were Tim, Id be very wary about marrying into your family. Heaven forbid you have a son that needs an EpiPen with these monsters around. A friend of mine DIED from an asthma attack!!! He said that he didn't reply but later I got a call from my mom yelling at me calling me hurtful stuff saying I was acting like an ungrateful b by excluding her husband from the wedding after everything he's done for me, I told her that my brothers threatened not to come which pushed me to make this difficult dicision because if it was for me I'd have everyone there. You have a right to remove your father from your life for what he's done. Perhaps we just have very different perspectives on this. I don't know how mild/severe his asthma is. You don't need your family to think your fiance is "man enough", and their definition itself is horrendous. YNTA. And for what, so he can be able to 'prove' himself to them? I will say though - you NEED to go to bat for him more. These arent pranks. What they are doing is expensive (slashing his tires?) She let them slash his tires? Um, hey. If you want to save your relationship you need to keep Tim away from your family, I'd go no contact myself. This is not pranking, it's abuse. NTA. Any children you have could possibly be in danger from them, too. My stepdad and I have a very good relationship. That would instantly be NC for me. The soft college boy clearly they feel insecure around him or they wouldnt treat him like that! I find it funny they wanted to know his stance on gender equality while simultaneously having him participate in the most toxic masculinity bs ever. You're actually still nice in my opinion and your family members are AHs, including your mum to be honest! You don't have to invite people to your wedding that are negative. and her Mom Is a no better. It might be beneficial for you to also post this in r/raisedbynarcissists and do some research (if you haven't already) on narcissistic parents. Honestly, your family is dangerously abusive and toxic. NTA, and honestly I'd go no contact until they grow the fuck up. Stand your ground, these assholes need to learn their actions have consequences. How do they not realize that?! Then NC. Your male family members seem to think petty crime is pranking. This is not pranking, its cruel bullying and taking away your fiancs inhaler could have had deadly consequences. if all four tires are slashed you can call insurance to cover it as an attack. The doctor in the hospital decided I was just a drug seeker. You absolutely are TA for letting this go on for so long. She should at least have offered to find buyers for you. Right now, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Unfortunately when you live with something for so long, it becomes your normal. Pff too easy. I would be pressing charges for sure. OP would also be justifying their behavior by joining in on the "pranks.". They disrespected the college boy. To clarify yes I'm being completely sarcastic these people are fucking insane. It doesn't look dangerous to them when you're wheezing from an attack. They specifically use the fact he went college as a way to look down on him, and most people who do that are the same ones who think colleges are brainwashing places that take in nice, innocent, religious, straight conservative teenagers that perfectly mimic thier parent's views and opinions, all to brainwash them into being gay atheist liberals who might even have black or gay friends or worse, gasp even transgender friends. NTA Sorry, you do NOT deserve to be treated like this. At same time, I'm sorry Op, if I was Tim, I might rethink about marriage to your family, your family is asshole. NTA OP, but I wouldnt let them around your husband because they did endanger his life. . Oh a nut allergy? I am sure they have along with the mother. A part of me wants you to send that guy flowers with a card that says "Sorry for your loss." NTA you are prioritising yourself and your mental health and thats the right thing to do. Or are they the kind of people who will just keep being assholes? YTA to let these pranks happen to him for way to long, Lol how was she letting the pranks happen? I was hospitalized and they were draining fluid from around my lungs (?). A couple of the times this has happened it has been a small heart attack. Unbeknownst to me for most of my parent's married life, they had issues and finally divorced when I was 12. I would have been gone the moment I realized my "partner" thought any of this was okay. "We just wanted to see if he would be able to save himself with no brakes, because if he can't he clearly isn't a manly man like us". What if you had to get somewhere fast or had to get to work? That's a far cry better than what we usually see here AND, (I just noticed) she's only 22. Theyve done damage to private property and have threatened the life of your fianc. Let her tell dad and let him digest that. Never invite them back. You are strong. Shes realized now that their behavior is way out of line and is standing up for her fianc and their relationship. What's worse is, I can see people like this waiting for future opportunities for "man tests" at family events going forward. Slashed tires and stolen inhalers aren't pranks, they're crimes. Screw the wedding, you should never speak to these people again. I think OP should have shut this nonsense down before the inhaler "prank" ever happened, and I'm almost inclined to consider her the AH for that reason alone. Youre asking the wrong question. They never should have been in a position to keep going. These are not pranks. Read this before contacting the mod team. He deserves so much better honestly. Handed his corpse over to you like sorry, he wasnt man enough to survive? You need to cut contact and tell your mom if she doesnt see why then she gets cut as well. They arent pranksters, theyre abusive assholes. These are the types of jackasses that don't believe food allergies are real. And PLEASE hire security for your wedding. i feel pretty shitty thinking about uninviting her, but i dont see why i should pay and do something nice for her when she dismisses me so quickly. I doubt she will stand up to them further. NTA and you made the right decision sticking up for your fianc as he is obviously madly in love with you to put up with your families bullshit. Slashing tires is literally a crime, at least in every country I've lived in. A lot of the things you describe arent pranks at all. They probably feel less than because he's a college boy (that's the thing they have pointed out) so they are all proving that they are actually real men while he isn't. It's like they're out of It's Always Sunny. At this point, I'd be uninviting mom too. This is awful behaviour. They'll fit right in regardless. I'm 33 M and I recently went back to college for a BFA. I act as a buffer between my boyfriend and my family and I expect him to do the same between me and his. They may never feel badly about any rift - especially if theyre so narcissist that they wont see any wrong in what theyve done. If anyone treated my husband like that I'd never speak to them again. If they can't see this then they're sick in the head! She cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that I'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. I said it's possible, but that is still a very unlikely possibility. NTA. Hes marrying you. I just cant believe people can be like this. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. My family thinks I am the asshole because of how harshly I spoke to him, that i chose stepdad over him and that I broke his heart. You don't invite your bullies to your wedding. I wonder how long they would have hid the inhaler if he started having an emergency. NTA. She sounds like shes been seething. And asking for help instead of making a mistake that can be hella dangerous on the road is lazy?? I would stick to not inviting them. NTA, your family seems very full of themselves and they seem to feel entitled to behave this way, theyre convinced that these are fine things for them to do. Who is kind and helps others? She has a shitty family and needs to go to therapy to unlearn the unhealthy dynamic she grew up in. Yeah It took me way too long to realise that the crime there is very simple. AITA for telling my (step)dad that his kids are not welcome in my life ever again? Slashing someone else's tires is full on illegal. Since I assume none of them are medical professional, how exactly where they planning on testing his asthma? Take it from someone who has a nonexistent relationship with their sibling due to failed communications, it's not worth it. Talk with Tim about it and ask about his genuine opinion. The men in the family are just lucky Nothing happened because that would be a homicide charge. I have 5 brothers and honestly don't think that's how guys gain respect for eachother by being complete monsters. Do they realize that your fiance could have died? LC or NC should be options too. To follow this. Fuck people like this and their asinine 'pranks'. Youve subjected him to a lot and youve let A LOT slide. This enraged him and our relationship never recovered. Nobody can be that stupid. If people didn't unironically say stuff like this, then the /s wouldn't be needed, but there are people like that. I almost never respond to posts, but I went through almost this exact situation with my father and sympathize with you heavily. The relationship is ruined, so why not enjoy it a little bit. At my birthday they got me a PS5 last year and a new Xbox this year. You are NTA for sticking up for your fiance, but you will be if you let them into your wedding and don't go low/no contact. Destroying property too? I've been there. I finally gave up and told him that I will not continue to be subjected to his abuse and he's no longer welcome in my life. For the people telling OP that shes TA for not cutting off sooner, please understand that for most people that grow up in this type of environment we become slightly apathetic to it and make excuses cause we think its NORMAL. Cant you do the same for him? 283 AITA for uninviting my GF to a family dinner because she wouldn't dress modestly? They TOOK his INHALER. Cousin asked if "little timmy ran to me to tattle". There's a reason there's quite a lot of these shops, tires are heavy, can be difficult to adjust correctly and you wouldn't wanna risk your life just cause you aren't 100% sure you did everything perfectly. NTA. this type of toxic masculinity is why men die so much more often from accidents and suicide. The Testing they have done is all about highlighting there own sense of entitlement over who they find acceptable to for you to be with and driving away someone they find unacceptable. They also sound horribly insecure. NTA depending on how severe his asthma is then no inhaler = death. Ive been nagging him to go to the doctor to get it checked out and he has refused for months, even though it would be free. Before or after he passed out/died? Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Learning good boundaries and keeping them is key. They will do something worse to pay you back on your wedding day. This is THE hill to die on. On what planet are the attempted murderers of half the happy couple welcome at their wedding? My dad told me everything about their divorce and how awful my mom was. I was livid and called him out, but argued with my mother about it and about how she allowed this to happen. Like wtf did I just read. They took Tim on a 3 day trip and hid his inhaler. OP needs to ask her dad what hed think if her future MIL learned she had what could be a fatal allergy to nuts & decided to slip her some to test her womanliness. If you dont, it might literally become the hill your fianc dies on because they might hide his inhaler again. if something is destroyed or someone gets hurt (regardless of intention) then it is not a prank. I would have been outta there after being forced to play chess. Its toxic. Would you want to put your child and your mental wellbeing through that? Tow it to a tire shop. Would they have waited to see if he could start breathing on his own like a real man? These aren't pranks, these are attacks. It was really sad she was in her mid 20's like this shit can be life threatening if an attack isn't treated correctly. NTA. You need to go NC. I did not extend friends of friends invitations to anything else but my actual wedding. My brother freaked out saying it was a prank and they were going to give it back, Dad said they'll apologize if I insist but Tim will have lost the little respect they'd gained for him and in their eyes will always be "the soft college kid" who's not up for the challenge. You don't justget to do that. If they agree to the challenge, and complete it, youll consider re-inviting them to the wedding. There is also a difference between a prank and stealing a serious medical device, such as an inhaler. This is constant bullying and it'll never stop. Is this the future you want? He didnt survive crashing in to a tree at 50 because his brakes were cut?! Tell them they need to apologize and gain respect in your eyes .. Tell them that their insecurities about how manly they are is showing loud and clear to everyone. When I was 14 my parents got divorced. Once upon a time I went to Vegas with my boyfriend and I thought it would be hilarious to tell all of my friends that I got married while I was there. That was over ten years ago and we all still laugh about it. OP, this already is a wedge. Not if OP also makes fake invites to the wrong venue. "I'm getting married, I want my kids there, as well as my nieces/nephews, and a handful of other kids from both families.". But my point stands that this is gaslighting and the AHs are so obvious its painful. You cant be around these people at all, and you sure as hell cant ask Tim to risk his health and safety for the sake of pretending that your family is just a little quirky or whatever. You're siblings are just pissed because now they'll be targeted. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. NTA eversince my fiance (Tim 23) and I got engaged, my cousin, brother, dad and uncle joked about running some 'tests' to see what "type" of man Tim is. Exactly. Whenever I get a new job site I make it clear I love pranks. #NTA. Pranks dont hurt people or destroy things. My in laws are great, but that's not something I'd sign up for unless I felt like my wife really wanted me to go for some reason. If this happened to me I would get a text or something admitting to it, take them to court, and bail on the relationship completely. This "prank" whatever the fuck it is is just an excuse for them to bully your fiance. YTA for letting this happen to your fianc. What are the odds Timmy the Collegiate Asthmatic makes twice as much money as all of the REAL MEN put together Then I am so glad that OP isn't one of the women who "marry their father". He might not be at that point yet, but he is getting VERY close. Oh my days, what a mess. Wow, what the fuck?? I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. OP has been shown who values her and her happiness, and who sees her as worth less than momentary uncomfort. Your fiance doesn't deserve this. Glad you're moving on. Some of this is actually really dangerous. I'll bet they're were planning the Bug Big Wedding Prank! No, they crossed into criminal behavior with the slashing of the tires. You think they are the only part of the family like this? This enraged him, we once again had a blowout argument and he called me his greatest disappointment. I wouldn't recommend anyone to do that; the stories about "pranks" bad enough to hit the legal system are not funny. This doesnt sound like pranking but more like bullying. NTA. Do not just uninvite them from your wedding, uninvite them from your life. These stopped being pranks before they started. Wtf ! "However, I figured I . My asthma is not that severe but Ive been there I really needed the inhaler. Your bf seems very chill and must love you very much to have put up with treatment like that. Enough people in general for today. I think you all let it go to far before you stood up for him. I know plenty of men that cant hunt, fish or turn a wrench and you know what? Or messes with someones health as a prank? NTA, please protect your fiancee from these toxic, manipulative nasty people. The critical thing here is that OP HAS learned that this behavior isn't ok. Good job, OP, for defending your (edit: future) spouse against the abusive men in your family. Definitely hold your ground and support your fiance. by AITApod (Am I The A**hole Podcast) AITApod (Am I The A**hole Podcast) By Danny Vega & Sara Levine Danny Vega, TikTok cringelord, and Sara Levine, meme queen master's student, read listener submissions & pilfer from the similarly-named subreddit. Nothing worse than telling a funny story and everyone goes quiet and looks sad at you. NTA - I would suggest checking in with your fianc on how you can best support him and letting him know you stabs by him 100% (this should include after the wedding) It seems strange that the tire slashing wasnt the last straw but it will only escalate if you bend. Get out or get on board. The replies here are really inconsiderate. It may be while he's getting ready for the ceremony, during family photos, the first dance, cake cutting, etc. All they're doing is alienating you and your man from the rest of the family. Jesus christ NTA they sound awful. Often time these kids grow up and explain that they behaved badly to get attention diverted from abuse of other people in the home. They aren't pranking him, they are bullying him. People really underestimate how fatal an asthma attack is. What a bunch of toxic people. "Let bygones be bygones" because you'll essentially be telling your fiance that your asshat family members fucked up view of entertainment is more important than him. Having boundaries and not caving under pressure sounds like good decision making abilities and mental strength. Yup - Manslaughter for you, buddy. Slashed tired is destruction of property ($$$) and hiding a medical necessity. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Your fianc could have died! Try to prank their father out of them? Seriously consider it for his own safety AND for the safety of any future children. What if he had an asthma attack and couldn't breathe because he couldn't find his inhaler? Tell them you could give two shits what they think as they dont matter. I feel bad for her but worse for Timmy. NTA. What if you two have a little boy with asthma? The reality is that your fianc and how he feels is more important to you and none of the relatives care about either of the two of you. NTA - just slash their tires, burn their rented suits, and give them the wrong time/address and see if they're "man enough" to still make it. Tim isnt driving a wedge between you and your familyyour family is driving that wedge. I sent Dean and Kevin invitations but once they found out that our stepdad was going to be there, they said they might not come. They are so out of line and out of date with what makes a real man. Just a rug sweeper cause family.. That's only if they were "man enough" to tell her the truth. Redditor aitamumuninvited is a 31-year-old man whose mother did not wholly embrace her future daughter-in-law because of something she did. What happens when they have a "friendly" tussle and just suffocate the guy 'cause they think he's just pretending to call for help? There's enough idiots in the world who would say the same things I say but actually mean what they say. NTA, they literally could have put his life at risk over a stupid prank. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. By the time the ambulance got to me they said my skin was super grey and if my blood oxygen level dropped any lower I I most likely would have died. Right? Your family is awful and you just went along with it! Sometimes, even when we are justified in going no contact, we can later regret it, and then the whole argument for it in the first place feels less important and we focus on what we can never have. Pranks dont cost someone hundreds of dollars to fix or put someones life in danger. People who want to help in your life are very rare, and should be appreciated, or even cherished. They need to fuck all the way off. Shits expensive. This is a really bad troll. Honey, you are merely the first to cut him off, so you will suffer for it from family who will see you as the wrong doer and try to get you back into his clutches, but gradually others will also become disillusioned and see your example and also cut him off and things will get better. . Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. yeah, what kind of balanced human being needs to ask reddit if this kinda shit is ok? To the siblings, though, it looks like dad hasn't done anything wrong. Would it still be as funny if they were arrested for manslaughter. He deserves a medal for that. Dont re-invite them, and I would heavily consider going No Contact or Extremely Low Contact with these assholes. I knew a lot of stuff was bad or unhealthy, but I'm still learning things even to this day. I hate to say it, but she set him up for it. They are abusive, this is one of the worst examples of toxic masculinity I have ever come across. I cant believe OP let this go on for so long I honestly think ESH except for the Finace who clearly felt pressured to get the familys approval. YTA for ever allowing it to happen and if you continue to. Middle of the night call to wake them up hysterical, "He still isn't back, he isn't answering his phonehave you heard from himwhen do I call the police and report him missing?". They are POSs. Bro thats kinda gay./s. Am I crazy or is OPs bf a saint for putting up with this for so long? If her family doesn't kill the groom first. Keep asking why. There's no right answer. Tell them you are reporting them to the police for attempted murder and get a restraining order. They fucked up. Please keep discussions within the posts of this sub. In these sort of situations whatever he does will never be enough to measure up to people like that, and the narrow view of what "makes a man" is dumb and categorically untrue in this day and age anyway. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. Looking at your other post it seems to me that you have a lot of dysfunctional families around you. So, NTA, and you're totally right in cutting them off. They're children masquerading as adults. They punch down, not up. This!! Slashing tires and taking an asthmatics inhaler is not typical. Sounds sick to me all around. I never got the impression OP wasnt supportive of the fianc. Guess it would serve him right in their eyes though for being "so weak". Slashing tires? Honestly if I were your fiance I wouldn't even want to marry into that nonsense. Can you imagine what other "pranks" they would play at the wedding? You're NTA. Does he have to die before you're willing to go no contact? I don't suppose they reimbursed him for the cost of replacing those tires? Wow :/, honestly OP is the asshole, for being too soft with her parents and allowing this shit to happen, This is exactly what I came here to say. i cant blame OP because she is too young, she cant probably go no contact with them and the fiance would be in worse situations after the wedding. It's not funny, it's messed up. Its also not a prank if not everyone is laughing. I am assuming your fiance has been putting up with this out of respect for you and your family. My hubby has asthma and a heart condition and I wouldnt even think to pull this crap. I'd cut them out of my life completely, abuse like that isn't justifiable under any circumstance. It's theft. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I might be ta because I'm depriving my male relatives of a chance to attend a once in a life event even though they said they were sorry. Agreed. Im waiting for the post here titled Would I Be The Asshole If I broke off my engagement to a woman whose family has been terrorizing me?. What they did is beyond bullying and shedding a few crocodile tears shouldn't give them a pass. NTA. I mentioned this in another comment below but I had to get all my tires replaced last October right before I went on vacation and that cost ran over 600. NTA and it sounds like youre not gonna miss much with their absence at your wedding! This wasn't them 'having fun'. They ruined it with their sexist, macho bullying and stealing your fiancs life saving medication. She's growing as a person and learning how to step up for her new family. And what happens when the relatives start to "test" and harass their kids? Throughout high school I didnt live with my mom or spend as much time with her as I shouldve,which I feel bad about now. An inhaler is necessary medical equipment your fiance needs, not an accessory because he's "soft". OP your family sound hideous, this isn't pranks, it's bullying and criminal behaviour. I cant believe that Tims family would want to see them or your mom at the wedding. Tim should have filed a Police report!! NTA, Damn, well said! To hell with that nonsense. Thats probably why theyre picking on him, because all this time he didnt just tell them to f*ck off. Slashing tyres was a serious attack on his property (and incurred an unnecessary expense) and hiding his inhaler was playing russian roulette with his actual life. Only yours should matter. And what you cannot do is allow this to continue, because Tim doesn't deserve to spend the rest of his life being tortured by your extended family. Ps: slashing tires is criminal vandalism. Theyd find a way to ruin it and expect you to laugh about it. I literally freaked out because I definately want my brothers to be at my wedding so badly and I tried talking to them but they were being stubborn, after talking to my fiance I had no choice but to politely uninvite my stepdad and sending him an email stating why. Then block their asses. I would have left a long time ago. But not to everyone. It's no joke and can be severely deadly. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. No no, they do find things wrong with you, to fix it. To be honest car repair shop still works. Its a messy situation and it will most likely be a rocky marriage as your family set the tone for it with their nonsense trying to test your partners manliness. All of them can go fuck themselves. Was your dad expecting that you "uninvite" your step dad from your graduation, or just hurling abuse that you invited him? They have intentionally tried to belittle him and make him feel like hes not welcome in the family. Press J to jump to the feed. Therapy can help too. Slashing tires isnt a prank, its criminal mischief. NTA. Honestly the fact that you're asking that question makes me wanna call you an asshole. Maybe see what your cousin has to say (BC the nature of his panicking, it might be that he wants to genuinely apologise, at least that's how I've read it,) but as far as I'm concerned you'd be better cutting them all off. And if my husband had asthma dad would lower his expectations, not attempt murder. If my husband do this to me one day, aka letting people bully me, he would find himself very lonely because I'll be gone. Fuck that that's why I have AAA. Study after study has shown that men presenting with the same symptoms as women are more likely to be listened to, taken seriously, and receive appropriate & timely medical care. Anyone who isn't willing to own up like an adult can make other plans. Like good for you for uninviting them but they had to threaten to kill your husband for you to do that? OPyes, this is the hill you are willing to die on. If they are going to test your bf like that what kind of tortures do they have in store for future kids. My husband races autocross, our tires are more expensive than I like to think. He has had some health complications straight after and I feel like they blame me for this as well. Think of your incredible fianc. They really need to understand that their action could have had serious consequence (luckily it didn't). Pranks where people can legitimately die are rarely funny. My dad disowned me multiple times and said countless awful things to me but I always forgave him because he was my father and I loved him. I absolutely hate when doctors don't warn you about a scary possibility like that. And if so, would that change if he were to get seriously ill or worse? evetytime anyone reaches out to beg op to re-invite them, I'd send them a new article about someone who died/almost died because of a lack of an inhaler. Cant have no man treating his daughter like an equal person and human being /s . At my graduation, she and my stepdad bought me a Honda Accord. This is very petty and I dont actually recommend it, but if you really want to ram your point home just be like Im marrying Tim BECAUSE hes not the same kind of man you are lol. to be honest, if I were your fianc Id reconsider marrying you if you didnt put your foot down here. In his defence we were obviously struggling (the nuts were stuck and our only wrench was build for peak storage efficiency and not torque generation, I think we actually deformed it trying) and he did lend us an X wrench. Slashing someones tires is NOT a prank! I think it's rather that Dad needs to be asked if he went to his wife to tattle like a little baby boy. Cut ties with them and get them to pay for damages. Also I hope this doesn't take the shine off your wedding OP, and remember that day is about making two people happy, nobody else. I don't think I am the asshole because I suffered years of his abuse and don't feel I deserve to be spoken to like that. I would say soft YTA for letting it go so long. My dad taught us how to change oil, mom taught us how to change tires, and our entire lives we helped them with home projects as big as installing a pocket door in our old house. Your fianc is a trooper for putting up with them. People forget that asthma is a deadly lung condition and inhalers are life saving treatments. Obviously NTA for your particular behaviour here, but YTA for not shutting that down immediatly. Withholding an inhaler? Their little prank couldve cost your fianc his life. Thank you for writing this so that I didnt have to. At what point during his asthma attack would they be able to tell if he was being soft or if it was real? If I were Tim I'd be questioning the marriage with a hostile family like that. NTA, your username is more accurate than you may even realize. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. If you and Tim chance to have a son, dont let him anywhere near your male relatives. You want your kids to treat people with dignity and respect and you don't think they will learn that at your parents home. Theyve shown theyre committed enough to this to endanger another persons life, no one should be doing anything with the expectation theyre going to have a sudden change of heart and develop empathy. lol they have lost respect for your fiance? This doesn't even seem like bullying this seems like they're legit trying to kill himslashing his tyres? Theyre both so young. I agree, OP should've stepped in the first time it happened. Family up and ruined the relationship with her and her apparently saintly fiance who still wants to marry her after all of this and hasn't had these people arrested. NTA, if I'm 'Tim ' that prank hiding my inhaler will land op 'dad, brother, cousin and uncle' in jail for attempting murder. And talking about seeing your life moving forward how will you feel when they start this pranking with your future kids? I cant stand it when the abuser(s) &/or their enabler(s) try to blame the victim(s) for familial rifts simply because the victim refuses to continue to be abused. They've got everything backwards - it's not their right or job to test him. Or tell Tims's sons their father is "soft" and a wimp? My parents pride themselves on being do-it-yourself. Id go no contact if my family acted like that. Family should be loving, welcoming, and supportive first, and then if they have concerns about the way they see him treating you they have a talk with you about it. Timmy also needs to stand up for himself. NTA. NTA, I have asthma and that's no joke. Some people live paycheck to paycheck and this could break them. not let this ruin my relationship with my family. OP this is the path your male family members are headed down. I agree with other posters here, they are bullies, not pranksters. I would have brought the hammer after the first incident. Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Like that post we saw of the girls brother pretending to throw her baby down the stairs. NTA. It's usually even worse with family. NTA at all. Slashing tires and hiding inhalers are not harmless goofs. Ngl he did what he could to help me out with school and everything, he even offered to fund my wedding which is going to be in 5 weeks time and I'm very grateful for that though this was his decision. OP mentioned demanding they stop.

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